The Reason for This
The perfect timing of the Lord never ceases to amaze me. How am I worthy of a God who never leaves me and relentlessly shows me His love and favor. May I never get over the fact that no matter how much or how long I ignore the Holy Spirit’s soft whispers or refuse to follow the teachings of Jesus, He remains. Literally. Living inside of me. Giving me life instead of death. Waiting. A one time deal good for eternity. We will be together on this earth and in Glory. Nothing can separate us. That deserves pause.
To put things simply, I recently stopped ignoring the Holy Spirit. For years, albeit on and off, I ignored and/or suppressed His voice and guidance in my life. There were and still are many reasons for this, including: fear, pride, and others, of course, but it’s usually these two thieves. Fear that I would be asked to change something that I didn’t want to change or that I would be asked to do something that I didn’t want to do, a perspective that I needed to direct or control my own life because I could do a better job, and a false sense that I had to keep a clear head and make “smart” choices and not live through the still small voice anymore.
Now, let me say how thankful I am to have been given a measure of faith that allows me to believe that the Holy Spirit actually works in my life. I have experienced the supernatural relationship that we all have free access to when we accept Jesus. There have been beautiful seasons in my life where my footsteps were glued to the path that the Holy Spirit laid out for me. The sweetest of times when I had joy, peace, direction, and, not to mention, the fruits of the Spirit were made evident in my life. I have seen miracles and been shown great things. Just thinking about it overwhelms me. But, fear, pride, and the trials of life worked their way in, and, slowly but surely, my heart became hardened. I thought I knew better, I withdrew from the Church in many ways; I stopped being sensitive. I pushed down the calls of the Spirit. I just stopped participating. Familiar story… cyclic story… so it goes.
Flash forward to right now. I’ve stopped ignoring. I’m listening. Becoming more fully alive; tapping in. Honestly amazed that He remains. I’ve only been on this earth 28 years, but I have walked most of this life with God, being born into a family of Believers. How many times have I done this? How clearly I see the devastation it causes, not just to me, but to the relationships I have. How easy it is to fake it and to be half in half out. Complacency is a powerful tool used by the enemy.
I am so blessed to be in a place (both physically and spiritually) where I am receiving such honest teaching in my life. Our family has lived in Atlanta for almost two years now and we have made Passion City Church our place. I knew that God’s hand was clearly guiding the Passion movement because I had experienced the conferences and other elements while in college. I had seen. There was some resistance on my part. I think partly because I knew that is was a Spirit-filled church. Now we feel a sense of community. We are experiencing legitimate and Biblical community that our Father so desires for all of us. The stuff we cannot thrive without. The kind that keeps us encouraged and inspired and constantly seeking. We find ourselves surrounded by like-minded Believers that are transparent and honest, that practice excellence in all areas of life, that are generous, that desire to make the Glory of Jesus known.
The reason for this… this post… this blog is because I finally feel like I have something to say again. At the risk of sounding cliché, I am working at discovering my true self again. My new self. My adopted self. A big part of the whispers are teaching me that what I do matters. Meaning matters. Finding my unique talents and passions matter. I just read Freefall to Fly by Rebekah Lyons. It’s a memoir about her journey that led her to find her true meaning. Her journey had its pitfalls and heartaches, but led to a beautiful peace and joy and fulfillment that can only come from discovering (or rediscovering) the dreams that were placed in us by our Father to be used for His glory. It is also no accident that just as I got the book, we began a new teaching series at Passion City that is all about finding your unique passions. Its titled Passion and Purpose: Coming Alive in God’s Great Story. I am letting myself find my creativity again. I am not shying away from the things that light me up and make me shine. The more I shine, the more He shines.
Thanks for reading,